Assalamualaikum wbt
Baru-baru ini saya ada berbincang ringkas dengan seorang kawan baru, tajuknya lambang cinta. Dunia berpendapat angsa putih adalah lambang cinta sejati yang cukup romantis. Tetapi mengapa angsa putih? Teringat ketika saya mengikuti lawatan ke sebuah perkampungan kristal (lebih popular sebagai kilang kristal) di pertengahan Disember lalu yang terletak kira-kira 250 km dari kota Moscow. Di sana, buat pertama kalinya saya mengetahui bahawa bangsa Rusia merupakan bangsa pertama yang menggunakan angsa putih sebagai lambang cinta sejati. Alasannya kerana angsa putih cukup setia pada pasangannya.
Lalu saya teringat pula akan sebuah video yang pernah saya tonton tidak lama dahulu yang bertajuk Penguin yang Sabar. Memang penguin cukup sabar sifatnya. Dan cukup setia dan boleh juga dianugerahkan sebagai pencinta yang sejati. Jika hendak dihuraikan, terlalu kompleks ceritanya.
Namun, mengapa pula bagi orang Melayu (mungkin bukan semua bersetuju tetapi inilah yang tersurat di dalam peribahasa kita) yang menyifatkan pasangan yang sedang bercinta (atau juga yang telah berumah tangga) sebagai merpati dua sejoli? Adakah merpati juga sesetia angsa putih? Adakah merpati juga sesabar penguin terhadap pasangannya? Saya sendiri tidak tahu mengapa merpati yang menjadi ikonnya. Atau mungkinkah kerana sifat romantis sang merpati yang selalu berteman berdua-duaan di mana-mana saja mereka berada? Juga tidak dapat saya jawab akan persoalan ini.
The one I like most! When I walked by the park, I noticed that these two pigeons were like kissing or maybe sharing something using their beaks. Simple but lovely, isn't it? They have each other, for each other. Maybe they are brothers (would male pigeons act like this). And maybe they are friends (so funny). But the point is, I have no friend walking with me, or spending time with me. I'm so lonely. Looking at this couple of pigeons, that's what make me feel more lonely... Here is the story...
On the way back to hostel, with all my heart flew away thinking of my life, I was entertained by these two pigeons walking next to me at the park. How I am so lonely at this very second... This afternoon (I have no class today, preparation day for presentation Social Medicine), I wanted to go out but no one could go with me. I have another 3 girl friends in my group but I'm not that close with them. 2 of them (Chinese) are always together (and of course with their boyfriends) and the other 1 is always with her boyfriend (too). And me? Always a lone ranger.
I used to calm down myself not to worry about this. Not to keep messing my mind with this stuff. But it just happened today that I feel so lonely. I used to have a classmate (a guy) that I was very closed with but after I moved out to apartment, and so did he, we were like 2 strangers. And now I moved in back to hostel, then we become even more strangers to each other. Even when we meet in class, we don't really talk that much. We were very-very close before. Very-very much. Even I would consider his feeling before doing anything, not to let he felt that I put him aside. He's my best friend ever. The other 1 that I'm quite close with is always with the 2 Chinese and we end up only a bit close in class, but not in our daily life. Why it happened so? Why? We used to be best friends. I still remember his message: "A fish said to water, u won't ever see my tears because I am in water. The water replied, but I can feel your tears because u are in my heart". It was really touching to have him by my side whenever we need for each other.We were very closed. It really was before. Yeah. IN THE PAST.
That's how I feel right now. I don't mind sharing this with u all (readers) because I'm very sure none of my groupmates do blogging or even blog hopping (they enjoy online games or friendster thingy more than anything else). And if it happened that any of them read this entry, I hope that it will heal up the strangeness that is now blooming in the group. Anyway, the last photo taken just outside of the hostel compound. When other people are having someone with them, when others are talking to a friend, and when others are at least walking in silence with a friend, I am here all by myself, alone and lonely. Ah! Finally I let them all out to the air. No more knotty things mess up in my mind, my heart. I freed them out today. And I hope, they won't come back to rest in my mind, my heart even for a purpose of visiting. I want my normal life back!!!* Saya seorang yang sangat perahsia. Saya akan sebolehnya memendam apa yang saya rasa sehingga saya dapat selesaikan perkara tersebut. Tapi hal ini telah bertahun berserabut di dalam hati saya. Kadang-kadang sangat-sangat tertekan akan hal ini. Jadi hari ini, berpegang atas kata-kata emak, KITA TAK KURANG WALAU KITA SEORANG, saya lepaskan semua bebanan tadi dengan satu doa, semoga semuanya akan kembali seperti biasa dan saya dapat menerima keadaan ini dengan berlapang dada. Pasti ada hikmahnya kenapa Allah menyusun perjalanan hidup saya di bumi Moscow ini sedemikian rupa. Walau apapun, saya sayang group saya. Group 6 2003-2009 English Medium, Moscow Medical Academy. Sungguh tak disangka, apa yang terjadi kini sama seperti apa yang saya coretkan di dalam cerpen 160 muka yang saya tulis dulu iaitu Angin Monsun Moscow. Allah itu maha mengetahui.
-La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus3aha, Laha ma kasabat wa3alaiha maktasabat- -When Allah puts us to it, He will put us through it, insya Allah- -Allah holds our heart close to Him, always- -No Hopeless Mode!!!-
-La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus3aha, Laha ma kasabat wa3alaiha maktasabat- -When Allah puts us to it, He will put us through it, insya Allah- -Allah holds our heart close to Him, always- -No Hopeless Mode!!!-
