Assalamualaikum wbt
Baru-baru ini saya ada berbincang ringkas dengan seorang kawan baru, tajuknya lambang cinta. Dunia berpendapat angsa putih adalah lambang cinta sejati yang cukup romantis. Tetapi mengapa angsa putih? Teringat ketika saya mengikuti lawatan ke sebuah perkampungan kristal (lebih popular sebagai kilang kristal) di pertengahan Disember lalu yang terletak kira-kira 250 km dari kota Moscow. Di sana, buat pertama kalinya saya mengetahui bahawa bangsa Rusia merupakan bangsa pertama yang menggunakan angsa putih sebagai lambang cinta sejati. Alasannya kerana angsa putih cukup setia pada pasangannya.
Lalu saya teringat pula akan sebuah video yang pernah saya tonton tidak lama dahulu yang bertajuk Penguin yang Sabar. Memang penguin cukup sabar sifatnya. Dan cukup setia dan boleh juga dianugerahkan sebagai pencinta yang sejati. Jika hendak dihuraikan, terlalu kompleks ceritanya.
Namun, mengapa pula bagi orang Melayu (mungkin bukan semua bersetuju tetapi inilah yang tersurat di dalam peribahasa kita) yang menyifatkan pasangan yang sedang bercinta (atau juga yang telah berumah tangga) sebagai merpati dua sejoli? Adakah merpati juga sesetia angsa putih? Adakah merpati juga sesabar penguin terhadap pasangannya? Saya sendiri tidak tahu mengapa merpati yang menjadi ikonnya. Atau mungkinkah kerana sifat romantis sang merpati yang selalu berteman berdua-duaan di mana-mana saja mereka berada? Juga tidak dapat saya jawab akan persoalan ini.
The one I like most! When I walked by the park, I noticed that these two pigeons were like kissing or maybe sharing something using their beaks. Simple but lovely, isn't it? They have each other, for each other. Maybe they are brothers (would male pigeons act like this). And maybe they are friends (so funny). But the point is, I have no friend walking with me, or spending time with me. I'm so lonely. Looking at this couple of pigeons, that's what make me feel more lonely... Here is the story...
On the way back to hostel, with all my heart flew away thinking of my life, I was entertained by these two pigeons walking next to me at the park. How I am so lonely at this very second... This afternoon (I have no class today, preparation day for presentation Social Medicine), I wanted to go out but no one could go with me. I have another 3 girl friends in my group but I'm not that close with them. 2 of them (Chinese) are always together (and of course with their boyfriends) and the other 1 is always with her boyfriend (too). And me? Always a lone ranger.
I used to calm down myself not to worry about this. Not to keep messing my mind with this stuff. But it just happened today that I feel so lonely. I used to have a classmate (a guy) that I was very closed with but after I moved out to apartment, and so did he, we were like 2 strangers. And now I moved in back to hostel, then we become even more strangers to each other. Even when we meet in class, we don't really talk that much. We were very-very close before. Very-very much. Even I would consider his feeling before doing anything, not to let he felt that I put him aside. He's my best friend ever. The other 1 that I'm quite close with is always with the 2 Chinese and we end up only a bit close in class, but not in our daily life. Why it happened so? Why? We used to be best friends. I still remember his message: "A fish said to water, u won't ever see my tears because I am in water. The water replied, but I can feel your tears because u are in my heart". It was really touching to have him by my side whenever we need for each other.We were very closed. It really was before. Yeah. IN THE PAST.
That's how I feel right now. I don't mind sharing this with u all (readers) because I'm very sure none of my groupmates do blogging or even blog hopping (they enjoy online games or friendster thingy more than anything else). And if it happened that any of them read this entry, I hope that it will heal up the strangeness that is now blooming in the group. Anyway, the last photo taken just outside of the hostel compound. When other people are having someone with them, when others are talking to a friend, and when others are at least walking in silence with a friend, I am here all by myself, alone and lonely. Ah! Finally I let them all out to the air. No more knotty things mess up in my mind, my heart. I freed them out today. And I hope, they won't come back to rest in my mind, my heart even for a purpose of visiting. I want my normal life back!!!* Saya seorang yang sangat perahsia. Saya akan sebolehnya memendam apa yang saya rasa sehingga saya dapat selesaikan perkara tersebut. Tapi hal ini telah bertahun berserabut di dalam hati saya. Kadang-kadang sangat-sangat tertekan akan hal ini. Jadi hari ini, berpegang atas kata-kata emak, KITA TAK KURANG WALAU KITA SEORANG, saya lepaskan semua bebanan tadi dengan satu doa, semoga semuanya akan kembali seperti biasa dan saya dapat menerima keadaan ini dengan berlapang dada. Pasti ada hikmahnya kenapa Allah menyusun perjalanan hidup saya di bumi Moscow ini sedemikian rupa. Walau apapun, saya sayang group saya. Group 6 2003-2009 English Medium, Moscow Medical Academy. Sungguh tak disangka, apa yang terjadi kini sama seperti apa yang saya coretkan di dalam cerpen 160 muka yang saya tulis dulu iaitu Angin Monsun Moscow. Allah itu maha mengetahui.
-La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus3aha, Laha ma kasabat wa3alaiha maktasabat- -When Allah puts us to it, He will put us through it, insya Allah- -Allah holds our heart close to Him, always- -No Hopeless Mode!!!-
-La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus3aha, Laha ma kasabat wa3alaiha maktasabat- -When Allah puts us to it, He will put us through it, insya Allah- -Allah holds our heart close to Him, always- -No Hopeless Mode!!!-
18 comments:
Assalamu'alaykum warahmatullah...
Pardon me for commenting since you do not know me. But since you commented on my blog the other day, lemme return the favor. *smiles*
"It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein." [Qaaf:16]
I like to remember this ayat from the Qur'an. The gist of the ayat is for motivation in abstaining from doing bad deeds, but often the Qur'an holds more meanings than one. And the other I like to hold on to, is that Allah is always there for you, listening to your complaints and worries. The best friend ever, since he knows what is in your heart already.
sarah.. sarah.. i feel u. we are far far away from our family, and now tho only family we got here is the friends. but stimes, even with friends along the way to keep us busy, there's something lack. (plus if all ur friends got someone special by their side). maybe u need a boyfriend, which really understand u inside and outside. heh, it sounds so simple, but acly no. i believe u're the kinda girl that has what it takes to be a good companion truout a guy's life, dunia dan akhirat. the girl that is worth fighting for. seriously tak tipu. takpe sarah, the time will come. just keep urself busy with studies, and remmber allah always.
be patient, it pays.
(heh, saya ckp kat org macam senang je.)
and about ur ex besfren, try talk to him. mana tau things are going to be ok balik. hehe. do some activities yg korg suka sama2 ke.
salam..ks,just let u know dat u still hv us (crews of 205) who u cn share all ur 'mess' things wif.. walopon kitorg gile2 sket(kui3..ni ssh nk ngaku ni!!),tp kitrg boleh meleraikn ape yg terbuku d hati(cheewah!!~apply BM yg cekgu ajar dolu2)..wani setuju ngan ape yg mak ks pesan kt ks tu, KITE XKURANG WALOPON KITE SEORG tp ks kene selalu igt,ks ttp xberseorgan cz ks still ade Dia.. sebab tu ks boleh stay up untuk stadi tiap2 hari..kn??hehe.. ape2 pon,kite boleh borak anytime n anywhere..k ks,HIDOP KS!!!hehehe...
wassalam..
alahai... kesiannyer.. keseorangan yer?.. takper.. kiorang bloggers nih boley temankan.. hehe...
cantik ek tgk merpati tuh.. hehe.
for the world,u r someone
but to someone,u r the WORLD!
ok la,i need to reserve that 'world' to someone else =p but,ure top ranking in 'ppl dearest to my heart' list!U'll nvr be alone,we're here to back u up(d adik2).
hidup ks!!pena n rakan2 cayang ks!hehe
salam sarah..
memang, sebagai manusia, kita sentiasa perlukan teman..
tapi kadang-kadang sepi itu indah...
jika tak berseorangan, maybe tak sempat nak fikir pasal merpati tu kan..
so, dalam kesepian tu kadang-kadang ada hikmah yang tak terjangka..
memberi kita peluang untuk tafakkur, tadabbur..
sepi itu indah
bila dalam hati ingat Allah..
'bukankah dengan mengingati Allah itu hati menjadi tenang'
just take care yer.. ;-)
hurm..hi kak sarah! about your besties tu kan, you can try and talk to them first instead of waiting them to do so...maybe dorang busy ker or simply waiting for you to start first.
Kalau tak nanti jadi mcm Farah nie, kawan sekolah semua dah tak contact dah...takat baca blog jer and when memasing online tapi takde saper msg sesapa...just my 2 cents..sorry if I hurt you in any way....
Sudah tentunya lebih seronok kalau ada kawan yang menemankan. harap ada penyelesaiannya.
wee...salam!
huhu...aku takde kat sana..maka aku tak dpt nak temankan ko..tp aku sentiasa ada di YM...maka insyallah leh jer teman kan ko..kerana aku sentiasa on9 YM aku 24/7.... =P
btw u r not alone...semua org rasa sunyi...mak aku ckp, kalau susah ati ker apa ker, amalkan laa baca selawat tib...
minta agar dpt mengubati hati yg kusut, sehat badan dan mendpt petunjuk...
cool sis! hahaha...jgn aa marah aku panggil akak...just joking...aku ni mcm/perasan budak kecik..ko leh tanya nan kot =P
salam kak sarah...
What happened to you happened to one of my friends here too. She has two roommates, who barely spend any time with her (tidur jela kot). They even cook and eat with their boyfriends.
So what did she do?
She sought for other friends outside!!(girlfriends, i mean..hehe). And she is currently happily spending time with them, masak same2(mcm crite kanak2 kecik pulak..huhu).
My point is..yes, the moment has stepped in when every young soul has the desire of befriending someone for life, and choosing their partner for eternity. But one just shouldn't cross the borders. Quoted : Nikah - Connecting People the Halal Way. Hehee...~
May you find that happiness within you... :)
salam ks..
hmm.. sedihnya dengar cerita ks tu n I know bende tu dah lame ks rase cume kini baru luahkan. Mungkin dah tak tertanggung lagi di hati..
Kiter faham perasaan tu n pernah rase bende yang same. Terasa diri diperlukan time die susah je.. Ape yang boleh kiter cakap, sabar jela..mungkin tu salah satu dugaan-Nya, ketiadaan teman di sisi. Walaupun ramai je lagi yang menjadi kenalan n berada di sekeliling kita tapi still perlukan sahabat yang sentiasa bersama dengan kita esp dalam kelas. Bersama-sama berjuang menuntut ilmu. Tapi apakan daya.. orang dah tak sudi, nak buat camne..
Mungkin satu hari nanti sirih akan pulang ke gagang juga.. jangan sedih2.. ks kuat menghadapi semua tu.. ramai je lagi yang nak bersama ngan ks cume mungkin dibatasi jarak.. cheers!!
luv u always..
My group is just like yours, and hey, that day when i met with you in oxotny I had the same thing on my mind.
It's just, no one thinks on the same wavelength. And for myself with some of the people in my group, the frequency difference is a bit out of range I suppose - for a lack of a better comparison. But feeling left out has become second nature and I wear the label without as much distress as I used to... because to do so would break a person. And I do think they are wonderful people, my groupmates.
You know you have roommates who are just great, really they are lovely. And good roommates can do wonders, I know I thank Allah for mine every chance I get:)
Plus you have us! Me, amil, syima, anett. We're family, nothing beats that.
Take care ye ks. Allah knows what is best for us. You're the one who told me that, hehe.
Salam wbt,
Since i posted this entry, i havent turned back to look at the comments. it's quite a big no. of comments here.
and i have gone through 1 by 1. hmm.. some of u got me wrong. but it's ok. it was still delivering me a good message too.
what i meant here was about to have a good friendship with friends, not to be in a relationship. however, some of the comments which advised me about relationship as well are really much appreciated.
1)Umayr: wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
u are almost welcome to my blog, indeed ur words are a good reminder for me, and the rest,too. the same as stated in surah al-baqarah:216. maybe for the time being, i dont like what do i feel and face, but allah knows best. anytime anywhere He may turn this loneliness 360'-ly to be my happiness.
syukran jazakallah. heyp, i think we do have the same way of thinking. that's why i always drop by at ur blog.
2)Amani:
i dont mind if they have some1 special by their sides but the point is, adakah disebabkan itu masa mereka hanya dgn pasangan masing2 je?(actually i do mind about it, elok sangat ke bercouple couple ni? tepuk dada, tanya iman) is there no more time left to spend with regular friends? Bayangkanla, kita ni berapa orang sangatlah kat sini. kalau semua pun mcm tu, ke sana sini sama2, then who's gonna accompany those who are not with some1? i dont care that I AM SINGLE. but regret for some reasons that they're becoming more ignorant to their surrounding and only 'their life' is in their mind. their world. that's why, i AM here in my own world.my world.
i am worth fighting for?? huhu. takdok hok nak gaduh rebuk kito. n takdok hok nak bersungguh cari kito. koya jo kalu ado pun.
yup. im very bz with my own life. study no. 1..but da'wah is not no. 2..isnt it? life memang bz dgn mcm2 benda skrg ni..lepas sy dah emo-emo lepaskan semua dlm entry ni, sy dah tak fikir dah. bagus jugak emo-emo ni. at least,lapangkan dada sat. huahua.
about my (ex-) bestfriend. talk to him? kinda weird. do some activities that we like together?? even weirder! it's ok. problems come to lemme know, to let us know, who's our true friends. sy rasa, awak pun tahu sape dia kn?
thanks amani for being there. klu sy ke nizhny, nak pesan apa2 tak dr moscow?? tp kalau nak pesan bawak org, haha..yg tu x terbawak la sy =)
3)Wanie:
Terima kasih wanie for the term 'crew 205'. i like it very much. i know i always have u all by my side. always know that. i was just a bit emo thinking about my life with my batch mates. ok. forget it. buat apapun nak ingat sangat kat diorang kalau diorang pun cari kita waktu diorang susah je. betul x? orang kata terhegeh nanti. (eh, betul ke penggunaan perkataan terhegeh kat sini? macam tak kena je.ks dah tak power malay mcm wanie dah.abis la ks)
p/s: ks tau wanie selalu ada dgn ks. ks ingat lagi time kita bukak puasa berdua tu. waktu sangat best. dari hati ke hati. hilang problem kan? =)
4)Azfar:
thanks for dropping by. eh, sy dapat idea pasal merpati, angsa putih, penguin semua tu lepas berkomen-komen kat blog awak. bincangnya sikit je tp kat sini sy kupas panjang lebar plak.
apa yg buat sy happy sekarang sbb sy tau, i always have u all bloggers as my friends. not always seen, but always there.
utk menjawab persoalan hari tu, sy rasa kenapa org melayu jadikan merpati sbg lambang org bercinta, simply because they are adorable. cantik bila tgk merpati berpasangan. tak gitu?
5)fareena aka pena:
1st of all, welcome to my world! welcome to blogging world. 'to the world, u r someone. to someone u r the world'. since the 1st time u quoted it, i love the words cery much. hmm..i hope i'd be the world to someone too. or at least, i can provide 'my world' to someone =)
ks cayang kamu semua juga (jangan pertikai pasal kamu-kamu thing ni dah ye. ks memang guna tp kamu semua kurang dengar kot dulu2 tu. apa2pun ks pun lg suka guna nama kamu semua. lg manja gitu!)
dear readers, pena n wanie are my housemates. we live in the same house but to b specific, pena is my dearest roommate n wanie is my dearest usrah mate.
6)dhiyauqalbii aka kak tikah:
betul tu. sepi itu indah bila dalam hati ingat allah. n betul jgk. kalau la tak berseorangan, sy tak sempat nak fikir pasal merpati tu. (tp apa2pun tribute to azfar yg cetus idea ni utk sy).
u take care too..
7)Farah Nan (hehehe):
akhirnya muncul jgk farah kt sini. i did visiting ur blog too but couldnt leave any comment coz u use xanga.(in russian, 'g' is pronounced as 'd'...xanga is read as xanda.. xanda = nan..hehehe). ok ok.. tu akak merapu je tu.
i've made up my mind. i'll juz let them be the way they are now. that's what they've chosen. if i think back, i lost nothing, actly. i still have u all by my side. yeah. that is so true. i always have u all!
pasal dgn kawan lama, akk pun mcm tu. sampaikan ada kes yg akk msg diorg, tp diorg plak yg dh x cam kita. aduh. tu yg lg perit tu. dh la kita contct dia tu utk wish bday dia. hmmm.
tak apalah. asalkan utk masa ni, kita betul2 boleh terima diri kita dgn cara yg kita pilih pn dh kira ok. at least, ni maknanya kita bersyukur dgn diri kita yg allah dh berikan.
8)Mama Sarah:
sebenarnya masih belum ada penyelesaian. tapi sekarang my condition is much better. u know. after letting them out, semestinya akan rasa lg lega kn. at least, in this virtual world, i have lotta frens who concern very much. thanks for being there.
9) kira+++ aka Salman:
thanks thanks thanks bro (ups! terguna bro plak. sbb hakikatnya awk tetap tua dari sy 4 hari..huahua). tp sy x de ym awk la plak cik salman oi. sy ada adeep punya je (see, me n adeep can make a good partner..hehe..adeep n nan helped me in editing u know. maybe i can ask u to help me too! sy tgk banyak gmbar awk n akak kechik yg dah di edit).
selawat tib!! lepas solat subuh tiap2 hari mmg sy baca since f4 x tinggal sampai skrg. almaklum jela. sy ni budak yg sokmo sakit (nak tau tanya nan).
10)Sarah:
poor her. at least i have cheerful, gila2 and the best ever roommates. alhamdulillah she found her happiness outside there. otherwise, it'll effect her study in return.
"the moment has stepped in when every young soul has the desire of befriending someone for life, and choosing their partner for eternity". am i at the best age to think about it? im just 22 =) if people might say that i' old fashioned type, i dont mind it. what i need are friends and i happily have found them. they're u all =)
Quoted : Nikah - Connecting People the Halal Way. ---> i bet u'll be even faster than me =D
thanks for being there, Sarah.
11)Amnah:
am memang selalu faham ks. terima kasih sangat2. ks tau am memang sedar hal ni dari dulu lg. it has been years... tp apa2pun sekarang ks feel a lot better.
ks sangat suka setiap hari ahad bila kita semua berkumpul. inilah true friends yg sebenar. kita bukan setakat dapat bincang hal peribadi tp juga hal bersama, hal komuniti kita.
i am always here for u. hope that u wont go away.
love u loads..
12)Maddie:
when we met that day, i knew u're about feeling the same. i could read it from ur face. i've noticed it since ur 1st yr life here back then in pushkin hostel(seems that i'm so observant). but alhamdulillah i know that come whatever may, u always have motivations to run ur life forward. n i do realize there are great people who are always with u, ur lovely roommates.
plus, u also have me, amil, anet n syima. usratuna jannatuna =)
p/s: 1 day we should make some editing on the photo of the 5 of us together. since we dont have any yet, we should bring camera to our next meeting!
aja aja fighting! allah is always with us.
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